Take Control… With Kidology

Children learn very quickly what they can and cannot control. How they can get your attention, how they can get what they want and when they want it. As parents and carers it’s our job to ensure our children are not controlling us. From time to time we may need to introduce the underestimated little known device of KIDOLOGY.  This, my friend will be your favoured companion as you ride the ride of your life, parenthood.

There are occasions as we crawl the dizzy heights of parenthood that we will feel need to employ the rules of others to encourage their children to conform to: 

1). Socially acceptable behaviour

2). To take the next step towards independence OR

3). To realise that sometimes in life that’s just the way it is! Often as parents/carers we feel the need to explain everything to young children who are just too immature to understand the reasons they are given.

 Emotional development is developed over time, it can’t be rush but must be nurtured. If children are expected to understand more than they are ready to the result will undoubtedly be confusion for the child leading to frustration for the grown-ups!! (After the almighty tantrum).

Which, can only mean one thing. No-one wins.

Children need to be children and grown-ups need to be in control.

So I share with you a tried and tested method of avoiding such shenanigans. Blame someone else!

Recently I spoke with a mum who was having difficulty encouraging her three and a half years old to toilet train.

“I don’t understand it” she bemoaned her situation

“We were doing really well”, she continued.

“Ummm what do you mean”? I questioned

“With the toilet training, during the last break from his previous Nursery, he was using the toilet, telling me when he wanted to go, it was great she sighed “I really thought I’d cracked it”.

Upon returning to Nursery schools everything in the toilet training department changed. Refusing, not only use the toilet but to allow anyone else to change his nappy. (Yes a backward step had been taken with the return to nappies). “It was a disaster”, sigh mum. “How are we ever going to move on he just won’t have anyone but me”

Immediate action was needed, for not only was time for starting school drawing ever closer a certain little boy was missing out on a lot of fun as he clung to his mother!

An introduction to ‘Kidology’ was made. This is where mum regains control by removing control.

Mum needed to remove control from herself thus removing control from her son to dictate the terms. “Its simple just tell him you can’t buy nappies, pull ups or anything of that ilk because quite simply he’s too big. All these products are needed for the babies. That’s it don’t waver stand firm. Take control. You are not allowed to buy them anymore”. Was the advice I gave.  

Mum was sceptical but decided she had nothing to lose. However I made quite sure mum was willing to ride this through. No matter how difficult it was, no matter how many tantrums her son heaped on her to reverse the decision it was her job, as the grown up to stand firm. Bearing in mind it wasn’t mums fault, it was the ‘rules’.

The plan hatched the decision made now to enforcement. True to form said little boy was really not happy and through an almighty tantrum…

Confirming his understanding, he wasn’t calling the shots on this one.

Time to move on little man, he might not know it yet but he won’t look back once he takes the tentative steps ahead of him. I reassured an anxious mum.

Well this little man was not allowing his mother the privilege of taking control (or so he thought). That night he refused to put his pull up on before going to bed he refused to have a bed mat under his sheet… So to he went to bed as a big boy. Woke with a dry bed and never look back from that day on he never wore a nappy again.

Day or night. In this case Kidology gave the mum the crutch, the something to cling to as a means of moving her child to independence. Try it, or maybe you have

“don’t climb on the wall the lady will be cross”

“They’re not selling that today”

“You can’t get out of bed before it’s light, it’s the rules” Ect..Ect…

The list at which you can employ Kidology is endless and wonderfully useful.

Parents know their children even when they (parents) are not ready to admit their child needs to move on in life.

Letting go and standing firm are difficult lessons for the most harden adults. The implementation of Kidology removes blame, makes it harder to go back on a decision giving parents something of a crutch to hold on to for support during the tough times.